It's all becoming too much...
Well, it's been a couple weeks since I've thought about writing a blog post. Life has taken a turn for the crazy and has been incredibly stressful. I don't even know where to start. I last checked after I had turned in Project 2 for CMSC 341. Since then, I've struggled through another project and got it working just in the nick of time. Project 3 was an emotional roller coaster because about a week before it was due I thought I had made significant progress and then I realized I understood the project far less than I though I did and that crushed me. I had to focus Thursday and Friday on a project for my other computer science class (which was frustrating, but that's a story for another time), and spent Saturday doing math homework. Because of this, before I knew it, I only had 2 and 1/2 days to rework the most difficult logic.. part of my project, plus finish up a lot of the odds and ends. Long story short, Monday afternoon was super stressful and I ended up hiding in the library because I needed absolute quiet to focus on the little intricacies of the project. In the end, everything ended up being okay and I got the project turned on time. Now, the cycle starts anew. I have 9 days until my next project is due. I think I understand the data structures used in this project, but the setup is a bit convoluted. It shouldn't be terrible though.
Anyway, the main reason I've been stressed this week is math. I've been getting kind of low grades on the homework and losing points on really picky things. I know it's not that big of a deal because I've been doing pretty well on the tests and quizzes and think I have a pretty good handle on the material in that class, but regardless I've been really stressed out. Also, this week's homework was really hard and long now I just am fed up with that class with general. I think that a lot of the reason that I'm so stressed is that I just in general put entirely too much pressure on myself to be almost perfect in my classes. Because I know that I need good grades to get in to grad school and to get internships this summer, I beat myself up when I get a grade that's not an A in math classes. I need to stop being so hard on myself, and I need people who can hold me accountable to this. Being the "smart girl" in high school and the mentality of having to hold up that image in college is really getting to me this semester. I need to find another way to view myself, because it means that when I'm not having the greatest time with my classes my opinion of myself goes down.
So that's been on my mind a lot lately. I'm just desperately in need of a break I think. To add to my stress, I've been watching the classes I want for next semester fill up and stressing about that because there is nothing I can do about it. Life hasn't been all bad though. I got to see MTC's Showcase last night and it was incredible and I've spent the last 45 minutes singing Disney with Kayla. Honestly, I have a good mindset towards almost everything but school right now, which is better than it has been in the past. Although the past week or so has been a little bit awful, I'm telling myself it will be okay.
Until next time.
-Emily
Anyway, the main reason I've been stressed this week is math. I've been getting kind of low grades on the homework and losing points on really picky things. I know it's not that big of a deal because I've been doing pretty well on the tests and quizzes and think I have a pretty good handle on the material in that class, but regardless I've been really stressed out. Also, this week's homework was really hard and long now I just am fed up with that class with general. I think that a lot of the reason that I'm so stressed is that I just in general put entirely too much pressure on myself to be almost perfect in my classes. Because I know that I need good grades to get in to grad school and to get internships this summer, I beat myself up when I get a grade that's not an A in math classes. I need to stop being so hard on myself, and I need people who can hold me accountable to this. Being the "smart girl" in high school and the mentality of having to hold up that image in college is really getting to me this semester. I need to find another way to view myself, because it means that when I'm not having the greatest time with my classes my opinion of myself goes down.
So that's been on my mind a lot lately. I'm just desperately in need of a break I think. To add to my stress, I've been watching the classes I want for next semester fill up and stressing about that because there is nothing I can do about it. Life hasn't been all bad though. I got to see MTC's Showcase last night and it was incredible and I've spent the last 45 minutes singing Disney with Kayla. Honestly, I have a good mindset towards almost everything but school right now, which is better than it has been in the past. Although the past week or so has been a little bit awful, I'm telling myself it will be okay.
Until next time.
-Emily
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