October was a mess
It's been a while lol and this time it's not because I forgot about writing, there was just something else that was always more urgent. Fair warning: this is going to be really long and most likely pretty ramble-y. But that's not really news, is it? (Fun fact: In ENGL 291, my teacher used my paper as an example of something that was too wordy).
Where to even start? Grace Hopper was something that happened. For those not aware, I received funding from to attend the Grace Hopper Celebration for Women in Computing in Orlando. So I wisely skipped a week of classes and did little to no homework. It was totally worth it though because the experience I had at GHC was one of a kind. I'm using to having ~1/4 of my classes be girls, and it's kind of stopped bothering me at this point. But GHC was more than 3/4 female and I definitely felt like I belonged there. Just wandering around the career fair seeing mostly people who I felt like I had something in common with was a rewarding experience. I also really enjoyed the keynote sessions. I think my favorite speaker was Dr. Deborah Berebichez, the first Latina women to get a Ph.D. in physics at Stanford. I really enjoyed her talk because she was one of the only speakers to talk about her experience in grad school and as someone who is planning on going down that route, I really enjoyed and appreciated hearing about her experience. Also, most of my best friends from TAing were at the conference as well, and so I got to hang out with them for a week. It was a great week and I'm really glad I went, but it made the rest of a month kind of a mess.
Naturally, as soon as I started catching back up with my work, I decided that it was a good time to be without WiFi for another weekend. But Kayla and others convinced me to go to Fall Conference with Intervarsity Christian Fellowship and I'm honestly really glad I did because it helped me put a lot of things back into perspective. The theme of the conference was identity and the talks and small groups helped me grapple with what being a Christian means for my identity, which is something I had basically been ignoring the past semester because I've been so busy. It was also just nice to have a weekend where I could relax (I almost fell asleep during quiet time at least twice) and not have to have my phone on me 24/7. It was a ton of fun too and I got to spend a lot of time with some of my friends that I don't see as often. I'd love to talk more about it, but this post is going to be long enough as it is, so I probably should move on. Feel free to ask me about it if you want to hear more though, it was great experience!
School is well, going. I guess I'll start with the positives. Algebra has been consistently great so far, and is probably the only class I will ever tolerate that starts at 7:10pm. Dr. Pardue is fantastic and I usually feel super engaged in class. The homework is challenging sometimes, but only one assignment so far has seemed impossible and the midterm was really manageable. Stat has also been really fun so far. I love Dr. Stanwyck and the concepts are super understandable. I didn't do as well on the exam as I had hoped and I'm going to have to work hard to do well on the next one, but I think that I will have the time to. It's just a lot of pesky integration and I have to refresh myself on how to do a lot of that. Park's seminar on decision analysis has been really interesting so far, but its also the class I have the least amount of work for, so it's understandably on the back burner most of the time. It's also at 8:30am, and I don't think I'll ever be truly awake at that time lol. But yeah, 3/5 of my classes are pretty enjoyable, so that's good.
Unfortunately, both of my other classes have been a lot. I swear the Math and Computer Science Departments have a conspiracy to use the same number for the most awful classes in each major. OS has just been super annoying and a thorn in my side the entire semester. Firstly, I really can't stand Prof. Tompkins' teaching style. I'm sure he's a nice enough person, but I never get anything out of his lectures even when I'm trying to pay attention. That's unfortunate enough, but we also managed to have almost nothing due for the first 6 weeks, and then a project, exam, homework and design document for a second project due in a two week time span. Most of it just feels kind of rushed and not very well thought out. Plus, I generally have no idea what I'm doing when it comes to the projects, which is not a good thing because OS is not something that I am good at teaching myself. So yeah, it's been a painful month or so with that class. In addition, topology is taking over my life. First, we have so much homework because there are no exams in that class. We have project due every other week that are basically homeworks, except they are usually really hard and basically unrelated to what we are doing in class. Without fail, I spend Monday-Wednesday at least struggling with whatever we have do and it's very rare that I actually feel confident in my ability to do any of it correctly. I've never really struggled with a math class before and finally having that experience is really rough and kind of exhausting. Like this is the first time I've felt like I haven't deserved an A in a math class. My GPA will be happy if I pull it off, but I'm not sure I will if that makes sense. I know it's mostly imposter syndrome nonsense, but it doesn't make the feeling any less real. So yeah, those two classes have made the semester pretty rough, and topology especially makes it that I'm not able to spend as much time as I want to on the classes that I actually enjoy.
As for my emotional and mental state, I've been ok. For the last month I've had a base state of vaguely stressed and as can probably be imagined, that hasn't been super great. I've been able to break out of that recently, but even that has been kind of weird. I don't know, it's really hard to explain, but I think that I've been so busy that I've been able to run from any difficult thoughts not involving school and when I had a little bit of time where that wasn't the case, I didn't know what to do with myself. I've been making the best of it though, and I have incredible friends who don't let me get lost in my head for too long.
So yeah, October was interesting to say the least. I'm kind of impressed that I survived in mostly one piece. Hopefully November will be better, but I'm not counting on it lol.
Until next time.
-E.
P.S. So as usual, I started this post like a week ago. And then today happened before I had a chance and motivation to finish it. I'm sure most of you don't know what I'm talking about, but today Roy Halladay was killed in a plane crash. And that shook me up (which is reasonable). Some context: Roy Halladay was my very favorite player in the 3 or so years in high school that I was really obsessed with baseball. I got a Phillies t-shirt with his name and number in Spring 2011 and for several seasons wore it every time he started. Honestly, I started to lose interest in baseball and have never really found a replacement favorite player. So, yeah, I was shocked by his passing, to say the least. Luckily I found out about it in relative solitude. I'm still having hard time believing it honestly. He's always going to have a huge piece of my heart and I can't believe he's gone. I couldn't post this without saying something.
School is well, going. I guess I'll start with the positives. Algebra has been consistently great so far, and is probably the only class I will ever tolerate that starts at 7:10pm. Dr. Pardue is fantastic and I usually feel super engaged in class. The homework is challenging sometimes, but only one assignment so far has seemed impossible and the midterm was really manageable. Stat has also been really fun so far. I love Dr. Stanwyck and the concepts are super understandable. I didn't do as well on the exam as I had hoped and I'm going to have to work hard to do well on the next one, but I think that I will have the time to. It's just a lot of pesky integration and I have to refresh myself on how to do a lot of that. Park's seminar on decision analysis has been really interesting so far, but its also the class I have the least amount of work for, so it's understandably on the back burner most of the time. It's also at 8:30am, and I don't think I'll ever be truly awake at that time lol. But yeah, 3/5 of my classes are pretty enjoyable, so that's good.
Unfortunately, both of my other classes have been a lot. I swear the Math and Computer Science Departments have a conspiracy to use the same number for the most awful classes in each major. OS has just been super annoying and a thorn in my side the entire semester. Firstly, I really can't stand Prof. Tompkins' teaching style. I'm sure he's a nice enough person, but I never get anything out of his lectures even when I'm trying to pay attention. That's unfortunate enough, but we also managed to have almost nothing due for the first 6 weeks, and then a project, exam, homework and design document for a second project due in a two week time span. Most of it just feels kind of rushed and not very well thought out. Plus, I generally have no idea what I'm doing when it comes to the projects, which is not a good thing because OS is not something that I am good at teaching myself. So yeah, it's been a painful month or so with that class. In addition, topology is taking over my life. First, we have so much homework because there are no exams in that class. We have project due every other week that are basically homeworks, except they are usually really hard and basically unrelated to what we are doing in class. Without fail, I spend Monday-Wednesday at least struggling with whatever we have do and it's very rare that I actually feel confident in my ability to do any of it correctly. I've never really struggled with a math class before and finally having that experience is really rough and kind of exhausting. Like this is the first time I've felt like I haven't deserved an A in a math class. My GPA will be happy if I pull it off, but I'm not sure I will if that makes sense. I know it's mostly imposter syndrome nonsense, but it doesn't make the feeling any less real. So yeah, those two classes have made the semester pretty rough, and topology especially makes it that I'm not able to spend as much time as I want to on the classes that I actually enjoy.
As for my emotional and mental state, I've been ok. For the last month I've had a base state of vaguely stressed and as can probably be imagined, that hasn't been super great. I've been able to break out of that recently, but even that has been kind of weird. I don't know, it's really hard to explain, but I think that I've been so busy that I've been able to run from any difficult thoughts not involving school and when I had a little bit of time where that wasn't the case, I didn't know what to do with myself. I've been making the best of it though, and I have incredible friends who don't let me get lost in my head for too long.
So yeah, October was interesting to say the least. I'm kind of impressed that I survived in mostly one piece. Hopefully November will be better, but I'm not counting on it lol.
Until next time.
-E.
P.S. So as usual, I started this post like a week ago. And then today happened before I had a chance and motivation to finish it. I'm sure most of you don't know what I'm talking about, but today Roy Halladay was killed in a plane crash. And that shook me up (which is reasonable). Some context: Roy Halladay was my very favorite player in the 3 or so years in high school that I was really obsessed with baseball. I got a Phillies t-shirt with his name and number in Spring 2011 and for several seasons wore it every time he started. Honestly, I started to lose interest in baseball and have never really found a replacement favorite player. So, yeah, I was shocked by his passing, to say the least. Luckily I found out about it in relative solitude. I'm still having hard time believing it honestly. He's always going to have a huge piece of my heart and I can't believe he's gone. I couldn't post this without saying something.
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